Tuesday- BAD NEWS

I was looking around the apartment for my watercolor portfolio while Jubilee was sleeping. I could not find it. I began to get a sinking feeling. The feeling was that I had left it outside the car when we arrived on Monday and that it had not made it upstairs. We parked and Jubilee was asleep. I unloaded our stuff and Basia took two suitcases upstairs while I watched Jubilee. While she was gone I SQUEAZED in between the cars and tried to get Jubilee out. It was just impossible so I had to wake her up to get her out. I was holding a very sleepy little girl when Basia came back down. I had Jubilee and the laptop and Basia brought up a shoulder bag full of soft pink blankies and the other carryon. I am sure my beautiful portfolio was leaning against the far side of the car. It rained that night. It rained very very hard. If it was there when Basia left for work Tuesday morning she did not notice it.

Anyway, I had this sinking feeling that it was gone all day and it was a beautiful new portfolio with about 50 sheets of watercolor paper, about 20 sheets of index paper, an almost completed painting from the Jane Jones workshop, an almost completed painted from the Jazz Festival, about ten painting starts and my notes from the JJ workshop in addition to about 20-30 smaller sheets of paper. I don’t want to even think about adding it all up. I came, in part, to paint. My oils were confiscated in Warsaw and now I have left my watercolor portfolio outside and it is gone. Bad news. Or so I thought.

I have not been able to get my internet connection up and running and David realized this so he called me yesterday. In my Texas inbox was an email from our dear friend Avice in Hong Kong. Her husband, Joshua, a believer, jumped off a all building and was pronounced dead at the site. Joshua was a long time police officer in Hong Kong and loved to make and collect models. His elderly parents are not believers, but his father was getting close to believing in Jesus. Avice is in shock.

The loss of my beautiful portfolio is not such big bad news any more.

My sister tried to kill herself back in October of last year. Avice’s email was titled “I don’t understand.” These things are so very hard to understand. We attended Jack Deere’s church for 18 months starting in late 2004. A round of classes spent a great deal of time dealing with suicide. One of Jack’s three children killed himself on a Christmas Eve upstairs in Jack’s house with Jack’s gun. Of course that family was shocked and devastated. It sent them on journey to understand WHY. Jack’s discovery was that the majority of suicides are a result of shame.

Shame. It is something that our Western society is very good at producing/inducing. It is something that Eastern society is very good at producing/inducing. Shame it is human nature. Maybe a more apt description would be sin nature. It is so easy to go there as a parent in disciplining one’s most precious children. It is so easy to go there when one is disappointed in ones self. It is so easy to live there and for some to die there.

Pray for Avice and pray for Joshua’s parents. I suppose it is possible that this horrible tragedy could push them closer to the Lord, but I can more easily see it pushing them away. Avice loves the Lord. Joshua loved the Lord. God works all things for the good of those who love the Lord. Even this Lord? Yes, I have to believe even this. How? I have not a clue, but I am going to pray that Joshua’s parents are brought into the Kingdom of God. I am praying that Avice, who had a very difficult start in life, will NOT step into shame over this tragedy.

I am praying that my sister’s awareness of what has transpired in her life will knit with the counsel of the Holy Spirit and she will never again reach the place where her life becomes so burdensome that she even contemplates suicide. We have not really talked deeply since she attempted suicide. I am not going to push, it is the last thing she needs. I want to be loving and supportive, but there is a barrier between us. Maybe it is protective. Surely her heart needs all the protecting it can get and I am not willing to risk pressing through the barrier, but I miss her and am concerned. In the past when the barriers have come up it has been an indication of something deeper going on and my big sister buttons are pushed and I become concerned. I don’t want to lose her.

So, bad news. It is all so relative. One minute a lost portfolio is bad news. The next minute it is totally insignificant.

Insignificant is a relative concept also, so if you would please join me in praying for the return of my portfolio I would appreciate it. When we first came to Poland in 2004 I left my camera at a Polish version of Chuckee Cheese. Z was certain it would be gone forever but it was there. I had more faith in the peoples of Poland than he did and it was rewarded. I did some newspaper interviews and a radio interview. I wonder if they would help me find it. I am remembering Bobby Connor’s story about his lost pocket watch appearing in thin air after he called for it. ABBA IMMA! I WANT MY FULL AND DRY PORTFOLIO! Please?